whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
