i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Hippo gnu deer
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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