What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
