dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
