this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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