his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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