she pinky promised me she was 18
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
