Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
