so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
