By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
