I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
