Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
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He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
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According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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