My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
