i just google imaged poop.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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