haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize