i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
