I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
