wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize
