i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
