This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize