Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
