He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
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he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
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If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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