She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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