I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
