pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
