This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize