Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
