you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
