Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
