If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize