Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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