she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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