I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
