Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Help. Why am I so naked?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
