at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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