Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
