Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
