i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
