I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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