Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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