Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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