My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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