After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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