hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
