She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
