Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
