could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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