I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
im holly from the hills drunk
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
