Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
