Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
