Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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