i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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