he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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