dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
