I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you traded sex for a burrito?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
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I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
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Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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