My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he fucked my hip out of place.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?