zippers are such a cool invention
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
This can only be settled by a dance off.