this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me