Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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