I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
