She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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