I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
