we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
