you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
