My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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