oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
