I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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