This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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