Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
