oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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